I see so many people wanting John Egbert to be Crocker John. It’s a great and scary concept and all, but all I could think of was…
She can’t have him.
No one can.
You see, he’s not like the other characters. No one can have John Egbert. That’s his role. Ever since the beginning of Homestuck
John has always been the steadfast most annoyingly difficult to control character, and even the almighty Condesce and Caliborn himself can’t control him.
He is mastered by no demon, no elder god, no omnipotent doggies friendly or otherwise, and certainly no fish queen. John Egbert is, as of now, the one truly free character in all of Homestuck, held back only by his love for his friends and no weaker bonds.
This is the one time of year that I love wasps.
Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.
Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.
The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.
I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.
The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.
So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.
Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.
I tried to reblog this with a witty tag, but Tumblr took it as serious advice:
i hit my coworkers shoulder lightly and he was like “you’re going to make me cry like a girl” and i was like “what’s wrong with being a girl?” and he was quiet for a moment then he looked into the distance and whispered “the social standards they’re forced to live by”
More fun facts about ancient Celtic marriage laws: There were no laws against interclass or interracial marriage, no laws against open homosexual relationships (although they weren’t considered ‘marriages’ since the definition of a marriage was ‘couple with child’), no requirement for women to take their husband’s names or give up their property, but comedians couldn’t get married
It’s Adam and Eve not Adam Sandler and Eve
harley-english kids watching the Olympics or something idk
homestuck’s getting kinda weird you guys
Nothing you can say will otherwise convince me this is fact.
I also fully believed Groot’s lack of gender will be just as erased as Shale from DA:O being agender.
Originally Kwan-Sun Taylor from a post-Potter politics-themed roleplay. They were looking for students and I want to help out. I based him off of all the wonderful Muggleborn worldbuilding that occurs on my dash - most prominently he was a magician as a child, loved performing Muggle magic tricks. Because of the politics on the site, he later became disillusioned with the magic world and magic in general until he planned on finishing Hogwarts and going straight back to the Muggle world (he was studying Muggle secondary school via correspondence). He was male, mostly because of the ratios on the site. I also fulfilled my wish of seeing a flirty asexual by making him… well making him a tremendous flirt but still asexual. Panromantic (with a preference for skolioromance/preference for nonbinary people). He was a Muggleborn Hufflepuff and had been born with DMD (Duchenne muscular dystrophy) and thus ended up in a wheelchair at a very young age (I think it was by about 8 years old).
Faceclaim: Shin Tae-Ho
Originally ??? Taylor, Kwan-Sun’s older (by a year) sibling. They were very loyal )to the supposed ‘good guys’) but they were pretty happy to enforce that loyalty. They were rather protective of their brother. ??? was nonbinary but is pretty unfleshed out because they were a Want Ad that was never filled before the site was taken down. They wore glasses and I wanted them to be in Hufflepuff like Kwan-Sun, though my second choice was to make them Slytherin.
Faceclaim: Kang Min-Hyuk
Originally Charlotte Columba Pucey (better known as Lott) from the same post-Potter roleplay as the Taylor siblings above. Lott dedicated zir life to inventing new spells and was pretty horrible at Potioneering - yes shock, horror, not all Slytherins are good at that particular branch of magic. Ze was recruited into the Unspeakables pretty soon after leaving Hogwarts, mostly for zir prowess in Spell Invention. Due to the politics on the rp board, zir life had recently been torn apart and messily glued back together. Ze was nonbinary but I never defined zir sexuality beyond that they were potentially attracted to any gender - sex and romance took a back seat in zir life. Lott was a Pureblood Slytherin.
!!! A special mention on Lott. I joined the site because I had inspiration and I thought one of the symbols in their ratio list was for nonbinary people (and that they had two nonbinary people already!). I later found out the symbol was referring to something else. But nonetheless, once Lott was accepted, without questioning me and without me having to make any request, the staff of the site edited their ratios to include a tally section for nonbinary characters. It was the most welcomed I’d felt in any site ever both as a character and as a player/person.
Faceclaim: Felicia ‘Po’ Porter
Originally from an AU-S3 Teen Wolf roleplay site, also known simple as ‘Dandy’. He ran away from the circus. Or rather - he was born to two members of a travelling carnival and in his preteens he ran away with a sophisticated looking (much, much older) man. When the older man lost interest in him and brought in a younger, softer boy a few years later, Dandy ran back to the travelling carnivals (though not the one his parents where from). And he’d been travelling from carnival to carnival since. He’d recently settled in a carnival near Beacon Hills and had been willingly bitten into a pack that was made specifically for that AU site. He was male, but I do not for the life of me remember his orientation, if he had one at all.
Faceclaim: Hugh Dancy (it was on a rec list on the site, so sue me)
Originally Bartholomew (née Bethany) ??? (the surname slips my mind, but it was French) or simply ‘Bart' from the same AU-S3 Teen Wolf site as Dandy. One of the custom species on the site were sirens which were apparently restricted to 'female-only species'. I was having none of that and made Bart - a male siren. Basically he comes from a French, matriarchal family but his mother ran away to America when she was young and wedded Bart's father. She had two older sons and then she had a child that she called 'Bethany' who was a siren. The mother taught Bethany enough to control and suppress and Bethany later discovered that they were trans gender (specifically that they were a trans boy/man). Bethany made some physical changes and has been living as himself (renamed Bartholomew) ever since.
I originally had Want Ads up for his older two brothers (and even his father) but not the mother since there was a maximum on how many sirens were allowed on the site. I don’t miss the brothers as much as I miss Bart, however.
Faceclaim: Benthe de Vries
More to be added as I fondly remember them.